Untitled

one day I’m going to look into your
spiderweb eyes
and say through muted lips:
“you broke me”
then I will smile
and with such beguiling respiration
I will sing into your ears
“but it’s nothing I couldn’t fix”

I Want

I want days filled with
dandelion kisses
and sunflower smiles.
I want to feel the embrace of a hand
entwined in mine.
I want simpering hugs and
orgasmic glances.
I want Kermit the Frog laughs and
exhaustedly enthused sighs at day's end.
I want meaty metaphors over midnight meals
and mornings missed due to dreaming deeply.
I want, I want, I want it all;
don’t you?

10 Things I Look For In A Boyfriend

1. You have to be able to make me laugh. No laughter in a relationship is equal to a dead relationship.
2. Blanket forts. We’re gonna build them.
3. You’re intelligent, like me, but every now and then you say something super stupid, like me. We’ll make a pact that I wont mock you for not knowing the proper definition of “pontificate” if you don’t make fun of me for not knowing the difference between the Senate and the House of Representatives.
4. When I feel comfortable enough to share my writing, you will read it and tell me honestly what you think. Don’t baby me. If there’s something you don’t like, let me know. But soften the blow, please? I’m fragile.
5. You can’t get scared by the fact that I cry (all the fucking time). If you do, than this is a doomed relationship.
6. You can’t be a mime.
7. LOST. You have to like it. I’m sorry, but this is a must.
8. You should be a nerd. (Well, I guess you don’t have to be) (Though it would help)
9. You have to think Muppets are cool, and you can’t get freaked out when I casually mention how my dream wedding will one day take place in Disneyland.
10. Are you Jason Segel? If so, why are you not in my pants already?

A Sober Letter to an Intoxicated Girl

Dear Julia,

Don’t have that Pirate’s Choice.

Yes, Hannah makes it sound super tasty and, yes, all right, pirates are pretty badass, but you don’t need it. You’ve already had a Cosmo and a Pink Lady, not to mention a whole lot of Hannah’s Creekside Lemonade. You're at a good place. Slightly drunk, but still hanging on to that last bit of you that makes smart choices and keeps her mouth shut. Besides, you hate the taste of rum, but if you get it you’ll force yourself to drink it anyway because you don’t want to “waste a drink”. And if you drink all of it? Well, you’re going to get drunk. Not the drunk that you like though. You’ll be drunk. Meaning? You’re going to wake up in your bed at 9am the next day and you’re going to lie, on your face, for a whole minute before you finally ask yourself, out loud, “How did I get here?” And it wont be until you feel the pounding in your head and the jeans hugging your thighs that you realize that you got so drunk last night that you honestly can’t remember getting home. You'll get up, go to the bathroom mirror, and behold the make up smeared under your eyes and the low cut tank top still showing off your cleavage, before quickly returning to your bed because, goddammit, it hurts too much to stand. Then you're going to have a panic attack because you can't find your phone anywhere, only to find it in the shower five minutes later (how it got there, I'm sorry, even I do not know). Then you're going to spend the rest of the day curled up in your roommate's pillsbury dough boy blanket, scarfing down mac n' cheese and oatmeal and anything else to quell your nauseous stomach, feeling like utter shit. Sure, you'll get to spend quality time with your roommates and your cat from hell watching Daria and John Hughes movies, but it'll still be a waste of a day. The only productive thing you'll get done is renewing your library books and you'll do that online anyway, you lazy fuck. Not to mention you can’t remember anything you did and/or said at the bar after drinking only half of that vile, intoxicating drink. For all you know you could have told everyone you're on your period or how that one boy is a douche or how you're oddly attracted to John Lithgow and, quite frankly, I wouldn’t put it passed you. Let’s just pray you didn’t kiss anyone.

So, don’t have that Pirate’s Choice.

Sincerely,
Future Julia

only a dream

i’m hungry for a kiss
that never even happened,
but I can still
taste
your lips upon mine.

A LOST slam poem (finished)

Ostentatious

There is a cloud of smoke, and it is trying to kill me

My heart beats loudly in my ears

As I run from the accumulation of all my dread and hate and fears

This thing – this malignant monster – that has haunted us for what seems like years

In this place

This place

This hunk of rock floating lost at sea

A god forsaken planet forgotten by all humanity

With the same hungry individuals

Each with some twisted back story

And we are stuck here, together

Trying to survive

Dividing up water, sharing granola bars

Trying to stay alive

Wearing shoes stolen from the dead

Keeping calm, counting to five

Memorizing names of stations

Learning to live without technology

And there is a cloud of smoke trying to kill me

Why aren’t I questioning the plausibility of this?

Why am I so used to the thought of the unnatural becoming natural?

No longer looking for some larger rationale

Maybe it’s because I’ve faced polar bears in the heat of the jungle

I’ve heard of rabbits brought back from the dead

I’ve jumped through space and time with the flash of a light

And pushed the same ten buttons so we could live through the night

I met an omnipresent deity who just called himself “Jacob”

I watched a horse appear out of thin air

I was taken hostage by a character from the Wizard of Oz

I’ve seen a whole island move

Something no one ever thought that we could do

And there’s more

A man who can withstand an electromagnetic force

A wife whose cancer melted away like wax

A paraplegic man who found his will to stand

A child who can cause the death of birds without any reprieve

And this cloud of smoke is still trying to kill me

This black, thick gas that can shape shift and mind fuck you

Into believing it is anyone or anything

Like a man who looks like Mr. Clean with a machete in his teeth

Or an Iraqi soldier who’s been through hell because he’s lived it

A woman who’s little turnip is sought by the unspoken natives

Or a large man who thought that he was crazy, until he took control

A man who told me to find my constant, whatever that may be

A woman who just wanted to be free

Or a doctor who never wanted the responsibility

Anyone or anything

A father who made too many mistakes

A kidnapped boy with a warning

A holy brother who died for his sinful other

A wife who died because her husband was too late

A daughter who blamed her father for her fate

Or Mr. Clean with that machete still gripped in between his teeth

And that cloud of smoke is still trying to kill me

Maybe this is purgatory

And we have to own up for the sins we created in life

Torturing innocents

Running from consequence

Taking drugs, lying to spouses

Betting with the unlucky ten that then burns down our houses

Conning, stealing, swindling, chasing

Killing, cheating, drinking, debasing

Or murdering our stepfathers

In the coldest of blood

And not feeling regret

For one tiny instant

So maybe we’re all dead

Maybe we died upon impact and this is our hell

Hoping our strengths and our minds are enough to quell our fate         

Or maybe, just maybe, this is a place that we all made together

Because maybe we’re the most important part of each other’s lives.

Nobody does it alone

No one alone can survive

Or maybe that’s just a flash sideways

At this point, who really can say?

But I will keep running

And I will keep fighting

This wrong that needs righting

And diligently escaping this contest we’re pacing

And, no matter how this ends, in bliss or grievancey,

That cloud of smoke will never, ever kill me

To A Boy

To a boy who doesn’t know what I am worth

Let me spell it out for you in

Every unspoken verb

And noun, and pronoun, and adjective

So you can see where it was that you went wrong

I am worth every smile and every laugh

Every bright gaze and every dream

I am worth a sunrise and a half

I am much more spirit than I may seem

I am smart and I am fun

I am ditzily dancing through life

And I do not care for carrying any excess strife

Because I am worth that crease you get on the side of your face

From laughing too hard in a particular place

I am worth a thousand lines of poetry drawn squarely against the sea

I am a hiccup of a good time

I listen

I care

I am constantly aware

And ready and rearing

To be there for those who will dare

Share their time with me

I am worth hand holding down the street

And picnics in the park

I am worth pizza dates, movie nights, cuddle fests,

And dancing in the dark

I am worth a jaw dropping stare

Because I look so goddamn good in sexy underwear

Which, you know, you’ll never get to see

Now that you chose not to be with me

And if heaven and brownies had a baby

It would smell exactly like me

Cause I smell good

Good enough to eat

I am worth stacks and stacks of unread books

Because I am a mystery wrapped up in a soliloquy

Darting across your tongue as you speak my verse

You who once controlled my universe

I am worth that tickle you get in the back of your throat

When you have something important you need to say

I am worth the tree that stood in the park and gave you shade

When all you wanted was to get away

And I am worth gallons upon gallons of ice cream

That will always leave you with a smile

Even when you’ve had too much

I am worth the coolness of a snow cone

The gentleness of a caress

The steadiness of a mother’s gaze

The laughter during recess

The comfort of a pillow

Much like my own pillow

Which I’ve sobbed in many a time because of your words

Your words

Which are usually so lovely to my ears

But now, instead, are killing me with syllables

I am worth every butterfly in your stomach

When you’re about to do something so wonderful it scares you

I am worth every tear that falls from your eyes

When witnessing something so utterly beautiful

I am worth every moment that’s taken the breath from your lungs

Because I am a moment

A moment you’ll never get back

I am worth all of these things

Which took me a long time to realize

But now that I have, it has occurred to me

That I should never have to compromise

For a son of a bitch like you

Who never truly saw me

Never truly knew me

Never truly understood that I am worth much more

Than you deserve, which I hope now you know

So

I don’t need you

And all the pain you put me through

And one day I’m going to find me a man

Who, upon first glance, will clearly see a girl

Who is not just worth all of these things,

But is also worth the world

Who will ravish me, protect me

Cherish me, respect me

And love

Love me for me

And know my worth utterly, totally, completely

Because I am worth so very much in all reason and rhyme

So get out of my life and out of my head

Because, quite frankly,

You just are not worth my time